I like to vent

Has anyone said:
I have best friends. We've been through the world together, there is no more room for new friends. Now get comfortable and share your life, open up!

Yeah I shut down, walls went up. What do you do with that?

The last few months have been a huge battle for me..
Youve seen it. Ive written about it. a couple times.
WOE is me...

A couple things have happened.
Ive put myself in a bubble.
Im floating around.

Im oh so cautious about anything and everything Im saying.
If I say something dumb, I dwell on it for days.
Im so afraid of what others are thinking.
My friends.
Im afraid to get close to anyone.
Im afraid of getting hurt.

I dont want to be hurt.
I dont know how to be a friend.

I hate feeling stupid.
Im afraid of hurting someone else.
I dont want to do that.

Tonight at my agape group,
I said something.
Something I never thought before.
It just came out.

Im not trusting GOD!
Im not trusting Him to bring me a friend.
Im not trusting HIM!

Its not about numbers.
Its about a good small core group,
A group of 1, or group of 5.

Laughing. Crying. Honesty. Godliness.

It will be great.
My heart is out there.
Kinda.

Im putting it in the hands of my Heavenly Father.
This is hard.

I pray my bubble will pop, and I can take a huge step of faith! 

I like to vent here. I like to let it all out.
And if you feel like Im all woe is me..
Why are you writing about this again.

If by chance your rolling your eyes at me...
THEN dont read!
Its simple!

Thanks guys!
I kinda feel a little better!

Though, my heart is still a little broken..
and I dont know what to do...
Im learning to pray.
I think that is a good thing to do!

PS through this, my hubster and I have grown closer! He is truly my best friend! I love him so much!
Pssssssst.. another PS. No pity, Im not looking for that at all! If you wanna say a little prayer, sure, I just wanted to vent though.
Thanks :o)

We have a different new place.
Things were so up in the air.

The Landlord at the other place, kept making changes to the agreement,
AFTER we signed.
So we got out of that.
Now we are having tons of problems with them,
trying to get our deposit and first months rent back from them.

SO we went searching. Less than a week before we were moving.
We found a place.
Cheaper.
Nicer.
Everything new!
God had a plan.

Im glad.
We move tomorrow.
We have lots of work to do!
Just about EVERYTHING is packed.
We did well,
by WE I mean NICK!
Hes done it all.

Help for the move is slim,
its freaking me out!
It will be ok though.

It might be a bit of work for Nick.
It will get done.

YAY!

I LOVE new places. I love moving.
I dont love the process of moving.
hopefully though, this is the last move before the BIG move!

Our dream is to move to Seattle area.
Whether in 3 months or 10 years.

New place

So we went yesterday to look at it.
It was Nicks first time seeing it.

He said he wouldnt have rented it....
OOPS!

I guess I knew he wouldnt like it.

Last time we were looking for a place, a few months back,
everything we looked at and liked,
got rented out to someone else.
So I think when I saw this place,
it was decent,
has everything we were looking for.,
I felt like we had to put in an application fast, hurry take it!!!

Its a little tore back.
Not painted by professionals,
repairs were done sloppy.
Floors installed sloppy.
little things.

BUT there are a lot of great things about it.

We will make it our own.
We will make it home.
Im excited about that.

Hopefully I do it right away,
and they arent just plans, that sit there until we move!
This is a temporary home.
1-2 years.
Im sad Nick wasnt thrilled.
He doesnt hate it.
He kinda likes it.
He just said he wouldnt have rented it!
Oh well.

OH and the master beds walls are grey, not blue/green.
The bathroom walls are blue,
and BEAUTIFUL BRIGHT blue. (The same color as THIS ROOM)
So I think the bathroom walls are bouncing off the gray walls.


NOW Im gonna change the colors of the fabrics I wanna use.