Manic Monday on Sunday

This past friday night Nick and I went on a date night. A friend came over to watch the kids. Part way through dinner I get a call. I looked down and said out loud, this cant be good. It was my babysitter, a friend, someone who has known my kids their whole short lives. I answered, the first thing she says is, 'Im sorry....' Anberlyn was giving her so much trouble. I guess she was fine at first. Making paper vests. she brought over lights and glowsticks and a craft (hello babysitter of the year!!) It was when the glowsticks got put away and it was time for bed. Anberlyn went crazy! Not doing ANYTHING she was told, slamming doors, running around. She wouldt take the phone to talk to me she tried to take it and throw it.
I didnt know what to tell her, I didnt know what to do! My heart hurt! WHY was she acting like this! We came home early, as we planned on hitting up DCA as well. She got a talking to and had to apologize right then. We knew she had to be punished, but didnt know how.
She had 2 birthday parties she was to attend on Saturday, we thought about taking those away, but really, I didnt think that was the greatest idea. She would be sad for a second, but then would be over it. So after much discussion, we took away TV for 2 days, AND she was unable to have cake/cupcakes at the parties.

So at the parties, when it was time for cake, Anbo mentioned how pretty or yummy they looked, we sang happy birthday and she didnt get any, she cried, then we sat and talked about why she didnt get it! ALSO, she was soooooooo excited about picking out the gifts for the birthday girls, and as part of the punishment, she was unable to pick them out.

I really dont know what to do, this is difficult. A friend said this:
I've had situations similar with my son and since I wasn't there I didn't want to come down to overly hard since I didn't warn him in advance. But the next time we went or did the same thing i set rules in place, had him repeat them to me and talked about the consequences in advance. He seemed to have the best success that way. I have found that works the best for him. I think kids that are more strong willed need to repeat what behavior is expected of them or they don't feel the need to own those problems or abide by those rules. At least that has worked with us.Another friend talked about how she might just have a personality, where she needs to have controll over situations, and when she doesnt she kinda looses it! Which may be true..

Im not ok with her behavior in the least bit! I was so embarrassed. I also dont appreciate her not treating an adult, a person I put in authority over her with such disrespect! I know this is a learning game.. game... hahaha I wish it were just a game, and I was winning! BWAHAHA! no... She has anxiety, she has night terrors, and nightmares. I dont know if all this is interlinked... Im doing my best to figure it out, to help my little girl.

Ive been super stressed about it, Saturday I was in lala land all day, kinda just spacing out. I watch her play, and was tearing up.. I also noticed at the parties, she wasnt playing with any of the other kids, she was alone, playing by herself... Im crying just thinking about it. I know she is only four {close to 5} my heart breaks. I wanna be able to fix her. Im not making excuses for her actions with her babysitter, not at all, but if its all linked, I wanna know!

AND to my babysitter that night, I am so incredibly sorry for my daughters actions! You have been a great friend, and so loving to my girls!

I think it will be awhile, until Nick and I go out, whose gonna wanna watch someone who puts them through so much.. We shall see! I would be concerned the whole time we were out!

Were any of your littles like this? Do you have any advise?