Friday, September 18, 2009

Who am I??

I have fallen in love with reading peoples blogs. I know so many very talented writers who just pull me into their words, into their lives. They write and are so open and real, a side of them I didnt know existed, but am glad that Im getting to know.
This got me thinking, my words written on my blog are gibberish, meaningless, your not getting to know me or who I am. Your seeing a few words here and there, Im a difficult person to get to know, I think I tend to hide the real me, in fear of rejection in sounding stupid or dumb Im easily intimidated. Though I am willing to let myself out there, but am scared.
Let me tell you a bit about myself:

I love Jesus, I desperately strive to have a relationship with Him to give Him my life and trust in Him with it. Im having a hard time with it. I know He is there and I know He loves me. I was born a sinner and relationships are hard. He is sitting there just waiting for me to call to him, and I just live my life. Its a battle I am having.

I am deeply in love with my husband, as he is me. He shows me this daily. I try to show him, but I fall very short. He comes home each day to a messy home, dinner un-made, dirty clothes piled high. Me still in my Pjs complaining about my pregnancy, oh woe is me. He makes dinner for his family puts a load in the wash and just loves on us. I thankd God for such an amazing man. I also pray he doesnt get tired of it. I know this pregnancy is short and I cant get back to making dinner and whatnot but until then I just let him know how much I appreciate and love him.

I'm a terrible mother! at least for now. Anberlyn, poor poor Anberlyn. I just dont have the energy I want, the TV has been a life saver. I try to turn it off and just sit on the floor with her, but its so hard. Its a routine that needs to be broken! Her diet has consisitend of various types of crackers, graham, saltine, triscut you know easy, that doesnt make me naucious. As a little girl she is amazing and still loves me. She is my heart!

Woe is me. I complain, complain. complain. This pregnancy has taken such a toll on me and my body, its so easy just to complain. I am thrilled though, I can not wait for March to come and I get to see his or hers beautiful face (or not so beautiful face) and just fall in love again. I remember seeing Anberlyn for the first time. I remember Nick holding her just in awe. I cant wait for that day!

Spiders, Im scared of them! Where we moved, we haave some pretty narley ones, fuzzy ones, BIG ones, long legged creepy ones. Thank God I havent seen any inside since we moved in. There was a couple that took advantage of the vacant space before we moved in, but they are gone now. I saw a long legged creepy one yesterday outside, while Anberlyn and I were playing in the water. (This is no daddy long leg, I can deal with those) I came running into Nick to kill it, he stopped work and came straight out to do so, protecting his girls from the big bad spider!

What else do you wanna know? I love pink, I love hair and make-up. My biggest fear is losing my husband. I want to succeed. I want to be a great friend, Im not. I have very few true friends. I cant wait till the day when we move to WA. Im gonna homeschool my children. I love Coca-Cola. Pistachios YUM!

I dont know what else to write, therefore I am finished!


  1. Wow! You are a whole other person I never even knew. Thank you so sharing. Its cool to get to know the real person - not just a fake image that many people portay on blogs and facebook, etc.
    I totally hear ya on many of the topics you wrote about. Like feeling like a blah mom. You should know though that letting Anbo learn to play on her own is probably the best thing you can teach her before the next baby comes. It will save your life. Get out some open ended toys and let her explore. Blocks, playdough, dolls, cars, rocks, shells, etc. Even used to watch a lot of TV too but once he got some new toys to explore he won't even come near the TV. Just do what you can, I so remember those days of feeling yucky and it sucks as your belly grows - you feel more run down. A good piece of wisdom too is that being preggo in the last month or so is actually harder that having two kids to watch. Anyway, I am so wanting to know more. You should fill us in. Why WA? Why Homeschool? :)

  2. OOPS I totally forgot to proof read and feel like an idiot. Sorry. I even spelled my own kid's name wrong. I am tired too!!!

  3. Tess,

    You are a wonderful wife and a wonderful mother. Nick and Anbo are just as lucky to have you as you are to have them. And you are a great sis-in-law -much better than I- and I count myself lucky to be a part of your family!