As I sit here, Im thinking.
I have so much on my mind.
My heart races a little.
My personal life,
My parenting,
My heart,
My, My, My....
The person I used to turn to is no longer right there.
So I keep it in.
Im trying to open up and allow myself to grow close to other people.
Im having a tough time.
People are busy.
People have their lives.
People already have their friends.
People dont feel like Im a right fit for them.
I feel like I lost someone, like a really bad break up, were your heart just continues to break.
You know when you keep asking yourself what you did wrong...
What is it that you need to fix, so it doesnt happen again...
Its getting easier.
The pain is still there.
Probably always will be.
So Im trying to be a better friend.
I had a little birthday party this past weekend, and I got the greatest card! Made and is still making me smile.
A friend Im learning to let in!
Takes time!
:/
ReplyDeletefriendships are soo tricky the older we get, i think. i am having a tough time too - knowing who to let in and who to not. praying for you as you figure all this out too!
I have lost so many friendships in the last few years. One of them being Matt and I's best friend in the whole world. He was Matt's best man and we were there for everything in his and his son's life. He completely and utterly forgot about us. Hasn't called, texted or tried to get in touch with us since Fenix was born. It has been almost 5 months and it still hurts to think about. It definitely feels like a break up, like you said.
ReplyDeleteMaintaining friendships are so much harder now that we are older and have families of our own. I am however more selective with those I choose to spend my time with. I have much higher standards and I only want to be around people that are positive and uplifting.
I will be praying for guidance for you!